I knew I’d be leaving before I left.
I even called the date, almost to the t.
Some very interesting stirrings happened inside of me, spiritually, that would lead me to produce or manifest the things that were in my mind. Consistently. In ways I had never experienced.
I spent a lot of my time in New York feeling clueless. I mean, there’s a lot to figure out there. The city, and myself.
I hit a point at my last job in which I was thrown into a vat of cluelessness. One in which I’d never imagined could have existed. And I was in charge of a lot of things and a lot of people. It literally scared me shitless. I would vomit periodically, and suffer from diahrrea for weeks. Stress and anxiety induced.
But during that time, I produced (manifested) the biggest products, deliverables, profits I had ever created at any point in my life.
There were days I’d sit at my desk at work. Clueless. Ahh, training really really sucked at that job. So I was clueless of many things. But there was a little voice in my head that would guide me to many things. Very uncanny happenings.
Part of me feels like my life in New York pushed me into some magical vortex. Sometimes the best things I could only partially imagine happening would happen fully. Other times the worst things I fully imagined happening, happened. I found that the things I ruminated over would acutally spring forth into life. My mind became this machine with inputs and outputs. It always had been, I just didn’t know it.
Have you ever experienced magic? Something so good, you didn’t think it could ever be? And I’m not talking about sex or money. I’m talking about something bigger. Like a secret sauce that you spread on everything and it just makes it…right. An all encompassing, whimsical, serendipitous recipe for living. You can put that shit on everything, like Frank’s Red Hot.
The things you know, but you’re not sure that you know at first. Until you gain experience in knowing that you do really know. Because you learn to trust what you know, over time.You trust that you know. Intuition.
I’ve learned my power. My ability to manifest. My ability to connect with the world inside and outside of myself. There are many worlds inside of me. There are many worlds outside of me. I am but a speck in this universe, yet a powerful, productive and energetic being. I will live on no matter what comes my way. I am large with life.
I was pushed to the point of overload and what I thought could have been insanity. Ebbing and flowing of the waves of my life have lead me to a more tranquil place, mentally and physically. I had to escape New York.
I spend time in front of a lake. There’s a tree here that shields me from some of the sun’s rays. Colors in my mind present themselves when I close my eyes. Chakras. Tree rustles in gentle wind. I can hear here. I am learning to meditate.
I miss New York. She is the meanest teacher.
I will be back, later.